1/21

Found an old journal entry.

She has said to me on more than one occasion, like at social functions – she’s said to me in a tone that I can’t quite place, “I’m proud of you.”

Then I wrote something incredibly hateful about them likely dropping me like a bad habit and marrying the next person they fuck for citizenship and living a fraud life.  Why would you write those things and think those things about someone while you’re dating them?  I was in serious denial or had a delusion system at work.  Looking back at other entries, I see the moment I decided to date this person I became very unhappy./edit

Is she proud of my sobriety?  Is that something she can’t fathom?  It’s not hard when you want it for yourself and I don’t need or want to be congratulated for it.  An ape could do it.  Don’t drink alcohol or use drugs no matter what.  Step one: Don’t drink or use no matter what.  Step two: repeat ad nauseam and then some more.  It’s more difficult for me to put down a piece of cheesecake.

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