Found an old journal entry.
She has said to me on more than one occasion, like at social functions – she’s said to me in a tone that I can’t quite place, “I’m proud of you.”
Then I wrote something incredibly hateful about them likely dropping me like a bad habit and marrying the next person they fuck for citizenship and living a fraud life. Why would you write those things and think those things about someone while you’re dating them? I was in serious denial or had a delusion system at work. Looking back at other entries, I see the moment I decided to date this person I became very unhappy./edit
Is she proud of my sobriety? Is that something she can’t fathom? It’s not hard when you want it for yourself and I don’t need or want to be congratulated for it. An ape could do it. Don’t drink alcohol or use drugs no matter what. Step one: Don’t drink or use no matter what. Step two: repeat ad nauseam and then some more. It’s more difficult for me to put down a piece of cheesecake.